So, after some months of keeping this secret, I am finally comfortable to let the cat out the bag – I am pregnant you guys!
And when I say that I am pregnant, I not only mean, pregnant with ideas or a new assignment(s), but an actual baby y’all. I am going to be a mommy!
The new enclave is definitely one that I envisioned in the list of desires when reciting the Prayer of Jabez, asking God to bless me and enlarge my territory; however, I didn’t know how exactly that prayer would pan out. In fact, the day I took the test was totally sporadic as I moved on a hunch after noticing my already large appetite was noticeably larger. This piece of news brings such a joy to me because becoming a parent is literally one of my life’s dreams besides becoming a wife and operating in my calling & purpose. When I was a kid, I dreamt of the full package; there wasn’t one without the other. And because my vision entailed the full package and not just pieces of it, the struggle it took to get here was a battle. Spiritually, emotionally, I struggled; and without God, I would have never been able to come to.
This blessing to me is more than what we typically consider the blessing of a baby to be because of the fight that I had to put in. Again, it wasn’t a physical thing. I had to fight some demons who have been around since before I can even remember: the fact that I had no idea who I was or who God was calling me to be, the inability to come to sound decisions especially when it concerned some of the most important and personal aspects of my life, my husband, rejection issues, lack of confidence, moving without God, was I worthy of such blessings, please don’t let me go on.
Sitting here now and thinking back, I believe it was vital for me to truly reconcile with these insecurities before God handed me my package. And while He deemed me somewhat fit to grant me these pieces I longed for when He did, I’m pretty sure there is much more for me to have to figure out as I move forward. But what I do know is that I have so much joy; so grateful, so thankful, surprisingly, I don’t know exactly how to put it in words.
I am pregnant with life, indeed a new assignment or two or three, and so many more ideas to fortify and execute. And this time I won’t move without God’s involvement, not without his approval, not until He says GO. This new chapter or phase, whatever you might call it, won’t go without His mark. 2022 is going to be something.
