As a new mom, it felt like there were only two thoughts constantly running through my mind: the condition of my child and the state of my home. I wanted to make sure he was fed, cared for, and surrounded by peace. That everything around him felt safe, calm, and whole.
Somewhere in that, I disappeared.
There was little time to reflect on myself—except in those quiet hours, deep in the early morning. The moments when everyone else was asleep, and I would quietly slip away, locking myself in the bathroom just to have a moment alone. Yet even then, I wasn’t resting. I was unraveling.
Those were my moments to pray through my emotions. My moments to cry. To release what I couldn’t say out loud during the day.
“Let Your Kingdom come… let Your will be done.”
The Quiet Descent
There were moments I began to feel less than human. Less than great. Less than myself.
And strangely, those were the same moments I began to feel unappreciated… unloved.
It’s interesting how those feelings tend to show up together.
What started as exhaustion slowly turned into frustration. And frustration, if left unchecked, began to shape my thoughts. I found myself contemplating things I never thought I would—walking away, divorce, even worse thoughts that didn’t reflect who I truly was.
Trying to carry everything on my own was never a good idea.
Because I had been there before.
I remembered what loneliness felt like before marriage. Before the baby. I thought those things would solve it—that building a family would fill the void. But even after receiving those blessings, the loneliness still found a way in.
It was like filling a house with beautiful, expensive furniture… but never actually designing it. Everything looked right, but something still felt empty.
The Hard Truth
There were moments I found myself yelling at God—questioning how I got here, how I felt this way. And then having to repent right after, because deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.
That’s when I realized just how far away I was.
Not from church. Not from routine. But from truly knowing God’s love.
In all my crying and complaining, it never occurred to me that I was part of the problem.
And the truth hit me:
Until God becomes enough, nothing else ever will be.
What We Put First Reveals Everything
It seems almost expected in this life—especially as women, as mothers—that we put ourselves aside. That we prioritize the family, the home, the responsibilities, and carry it all without complaint.
And even spiritually, we tend to move the same way.
We handle everything first… and then go to God.
We make Him the afterthought.
We call on Him when we’re overwhelmed, when we’re exhausted, when we’ve reached our limit—but not always when things are steady.
And then we wonder why life feels like a constant struggle.
Why marriage feels heavy.
Why parenting feels overwhelming.
Why peace feels distant.
The Turning Point
But even in that, God remains faithful.
Even when we put Him second, third, or last—He still welcomes us back.
Still offers peace.
Still provides rest.
Still meets us in the middle of our mess.
And for me, everything began to shift when I made one simple but life-changing adjustment:
I put God first.
Not after the baby.
Not after the house.
Not after my responsibilities.
First.
And suddenly, something changed.
Not necessarily my circumstances—but my capacity.
I could finally respond to the simple question, “How are you?” with, “I’m well”… and truly mean it.
The Lesson
Chase God—and you will find your way through everything.
“Let Your Kingdom come, let Your will be done.”
Because the Kingdom of God doesn’t always look like what we expect—but it is always better.
When His Kingdom takes priority in your life, everything else begins to fall into its proper place.
What I Finally Understood
The hardest realization I had to face was this:
I had been relying on everything except God to sustain me.
My husband.
My child.
My responsibilities.
Even provision.
But none of those things, on their own, are meant to hold everything together.
They were never designed to.
The moment we take our focus off of God is the moment things begin to feel like they’re falling apart.
What His Kingdom Really Brings
Because when you allow God’s Kingdom to come into your life fully, it brings something the world cannot manufacture:
Peace in the middle of chaos.
Joy—even on a bad day.
Strength when you feel weak.
Laughter that somehow follows tears.
Praise in the middle of uncertainty.
Gratitude before the breakthrough even comes.
It’s not about everything being perfect.
It’s about being anchored.
Final Thought
So if you find yourself overwhelmed, stretched thin, or quietly breaking in places no one can see—pause.
Realign.
Return to the One who was always meant to be first.
Because when God becomes enough…
Everything else finally finds its place.